Introduction: The Secret to Achieving Your Goals

[00:00:00] Do you ever wonder how some people can achieve their goals seemingly so easily and it takes you gritting and grinding, forcing and efforting in order to reach your goals? Well, in today's episode, I'm going to share with you the muscle that you need to build in order for you to achieve all of your goals too.

The Power of Resilience

[00:00:42] Hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode. Today we are going to explore what happens when you push past old habits, embrace new perspectives, and work towards a living a more intentional life. As always, I am your host, Camille Kinzler, and today we are going to dive into the topic of resilience. And why it's one of the most important traits you need if you want to achieve your goals, especially when it comes to making significant sustainable life changes.

[00:01:14] I want us to all reach our goals like Olympic gymnast get the gold medal. 

Olympic Inspiration: Embracing Setbacks

[00:01:19] Now, I don't know if you guys saw the Olympics this past summer, but when these women and men are training and warming up on the uneven bars, So often, they would miss one of the bars and fall flat on their face, like belly flop on the mat.

[00:01:36] I was gripping the couch each time somebody flew through the air because I was just waiting for them to fall face first. And you know what they did? Instead of giving up and crying and going back home, which is pretty much what I think I probably would have done, or at least said, ow, and cradled myself in the fetal position on the ground, on the mat, they would get up and do it again.

[00:01:57] I don't know. And I am sure they had done that again and again and again. So I want us all to harness the energy of these Olympic medalists and just tell ourselves like, if they can do it, if they can belly flop on a mat, we can belly flop in our lives. And we're trying to reach our goals. And we trip up and life happens and we have to start over we're waiting for that next Monday or whatever it is that trips us up we just want to harness that energy of those Olympic gold medalists and say if they can do it so can I so that's what we're gonna harness today in this episode as we talk about resilience and what resilience really means So whether you are here because you've decided to quit or cut back on drinking or you're focusing on some other personal goal, there is a one thing that everyone who has ever made a lasting, sustainable change has in common, and that is resilience.

[00:02:51] Without it, most people just give up like I would have done a fetal position on the mat crying for my mom, but that isn't what most people do who achieve their goals. They are resilient and with resilience, you can go far beyond what you ever imagined. So I'm not an Olympic gymnast. I've never done the uneven bar.

[00:03:14] So that's why I would have given up. But in most other things in my life, I've learned to flex this muscle of resilience, to build this muscle of resilience. So today, grab your favorite bevy. Let's take a couple of deep breaths together and talk about how you can build resilience to reach your goals, whatever they may be.

Defining Resilience

[00:03:35] So before we dive into this, let's actually talk about what resilience is. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks or belly flops to keep going even when things get tough and to adapt to change in a way that allows you to grow and see setbacks as a learning opportunity rather than a mistake that is so important.

[00:03:57] Looking at any sort of failure, quote unquote, has an actual learning opportunity and not something that you did wrong. It's a muscle and you can strengthen it over time. For many of us, the journey to quit drinking or reduce drinking or whatever it is that your advice is, is filled with ups and downs.

[00:04:17] There are going to be days when you are tempted, when you are stressed, when you feel overwhelmed, or when those old habits, like drinking, or scrolling social media, or eating bonbons on the couch, are more comforting than the new ones that you're creating. Remember, you've spent years becoming a drinker, or years as somebody who doesn't exercise, or years as somebody who worries.

[00:04:41] So it's going to take time in order for you to build these new muscles. So we must become resilient and resilient comes from the space. It comes from the space of adversity, of not doing the thing that you said that you're going to do over and over and over again, yet trying it again and again, and again, getting up after you belly flop on the mat.

[00:05:04] Resilience is your inner resource. It's that thing inside of you that says, I can handle this. Even when I trip and fall on my face, I will dust myself off and I'll try again. It's like that Aaliyah song, Try Again. Aaliyah was an R& B singer back in the day. And I think, like, maybe the late 90s or early 2000s.

[00:05:23] Anyway, check out that song. That is going to be the soundtrack of today's episode, is her song, Try Again. But here's the truth. Any goal worth achieving, whether it's breaking free from drinking, or creating healthier habits, or even pursuing a career, or some other personal growth thing, takes time. The people that you follow on Instagram that make it look so easy, Do not show you how many times that they've started again, how many times that they've said, I'll start again on Monday, or that they've skipped a workout, or that they have that negative self talk in the mirror.

[00:05:56] They're not showing you that. But it takes time for everyone. It takes time to create new habits, to change your life. It just does. And because it takes time to achieve your goals, this means that you're going to face challenges. It's just the way it is. The path is rarely ever smooth. It is not linear. It looks more like a roller coaster than a high speed train.

[00:06:18] So think about it. Your path is like the loop de loops of a roller coaster, and it is not a straight line. So think about anyone that you know. So I want you to think about somebody right now that has achieved a significant milestone in their life. Conjure up that person. What do they look like? What do they smell like?

[00:06:37] What do they wear? What was their goal? What did they achieve? And I want you to ask yourself, what sets them apart from you? What sets them apart from other people? What sets them apart isn't that they didn't have any difficulties. But that they were resilient enough to keep going through even when they had tough moments.

[00:06:56] So think about this person, conjure up the face of this person, and I want you to think about what sort of adversity, what sort of difficulties did they have to get to where they are right now? Did they have to say no to sleeping in? Did they have to say no to themselves when they were trying to rationalize the old way of being?

[00:07:15] What did they have to do to achieve their goal? When it comes to changing your relationship with alcohol, you might face social pressure, emotional stress, or even moments of self doubt. But resilience gives you the strength to say, this is hard right now, but it won't always be this hard. I can keep going.

[00:07:33] And the good news is, y'all, is that resilience isn't something that you either have or you don't have. You can build it. It is within you. It is within you right now. You more than likely have experienced resilience in some area of your life. 

Building Resilience: Practical Tips

[00:07:47] So here's how you strengthen your resilience while you're on your path to reaching your goals, whether it's reducing your drinking or some other big change in your life.

[00:07:55] So let's dive right into this. One of the biggest mistakes that I see my clients make is they think that they have to do everything all at once. Resilience grows when you start small and build victories over time when you celebrate these small wins of chunk down your goal. And when I use this word phrase, chunking down, What I mean by that is you need to zoom in, get micro detailed, focus on the detail of what you really want, get really specific.

[00:08:24] So instead of saying, I want to lose 50 pounds, ask yourself what you really want. Why do you want to lose 50 pounds? Is it to feel lighter when you're just moving through life? Is it so you fit better in your clothes? Is it to sleep better? Using one of these as a measurement to see if you're getting closer to your goal will keep you on track versus if you step on a scale, if you step on a scale and the number hasn't moved, or maybe it's only slightly moved more than likely you're going to give up.

[00:08:53] I've seen it so many times in my clients and even in myself, when you use a scale as a measurement or something else, it seems more broad or in the future that will take a lot of time. That is like, checking to see if you've crossed the finish line right after you start a race, right? You need things, you need to chunk down so it can keep you motivated.

[00:09:13] So you can say to yourself, Oh, I've made it to that next mile marker, or I've made it 20 more steps if we're using a marathon analogy. When you chunk down it can make things more manageable. Like, if you're choosing to eat healthier, adding a vegetable in with every meal will help you reach your goal. So you can say, ah, every day this week I've put a vegetable in with my dinner.

[00:09:36] That is a win to celebrate. Every little win strengthens your belief in yourself and makes you more resilient when bigger challenges arise. So you have to celebrate these wins. 

Celebrating Small Wins

[00:09:47] The second thing I advise is focus on the progress, not perfection. No journey is perfect and expecting yourself to never make a mistake is setting yourself up for failure.

[00:09:57] Resilient people understand that setbacks are a part of the progress. You expect them. And, you have a plan for when they occur. When you have this setback, you know what you're going to do in order to get yourself back on track. The key is to learn from them, rather than allow them to derail your progress.

[00:10:15] Okay? If you slip up, don't spiral into guilt, instead ask yourself this, what can I learn from this? How can I do better next time? That mindset shift is the cornerstone of resilience. Better yet, again, like we talked about before, Celebrate the wins! You have to celebrate the wins along the way. You have to celebrate what you have achieved along the way.

[00:10:37] So, again, it's like that marathon runner. You have to celebrate that you passed the mile marker. You have to celebrate that you choose sparkling water one night instead of a cocktail. You have to celebrate the small stuff. And actually, I have a sign in my house. You It's a very large, it's hanging on my wall and it says, enjoy the small things.

[00:10:56] It's human nature for us to hit our goal and not even notice that we hit it. We just fly right past it to the next one. Okay. What's next? What's the next goal? What do I want to achieve next? Versus really celebrating and feeling really proud of yourself for achieving this one. But when we recognize that we hit all these little mini targets along the way, this actually will change our brain.

[00:11:17] It will make us happier humans. The research says so. 

Creating a Support System

[00:11:21] The third thing is building a support system. Resilience isn't about doing everything on your own. In fact, one of the best ways to build resilience is to learn by others. Like we were pulling on somebody that you know, that has achieved something really admirable, something that they've really worked on.

[00:11:36] This is another thing that you want to do. That's called modeling and neurolinguistic programming language. This is a way that you can really learn from what others have achieved. And this can be from friends, family, a support group, a therapist, a coach, an accountability partner, but having somebody who can encourage you along the way, who knows what your goal is, keeps you on track for your goal.

[00:11:59] And gives you perspective because we can not see the forest through the trees. It's a blind spot that we as humans have. So don't hesitate to reach out when you need it. Okay. It's so important. 

Self-Compassion and Growth Mindset

[00:12:11] Number four is building self compassion. We are our worst critics, just the way it goes. So build resilience requires you to have self compassion, to learn self compassion, the ability to be kind to yourself when things don't go as planned.

[00:12:25] So if you're constantly beating yourself up for not being perfect, you're chipping away at your own resilience. So instead, speak to yourself the way you would a close friend with understanding, patience, and encouragement. And stay hopeful instead of telling yourself that you failed. Tell yourself you're learning and find the humor in it.

[00:12:45] We take life away too seriously. In my opinion, number five, create a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe that either they have abilities or they don't have abilities, but those with a growth mindset believe that they can improve with effort and persistence. Resilience is deeply tied to this growth mindset.

[00:13:05] Because it allows you to see challenges as opportunities to grow and learn rather than as roadblocks. If you adopt a mindset that every setback is teaching you something valuable, your resilience will grow exponentially. This is something you need to use in all aspects of your life. Removing never and always from your vocabulary.

[00:13:25] I'll never wear a purse. I'm just not a purse person, or I'll never get Botox. I just would never put toxins in my face. Like removing never from your vocabulary because you never know what's going to happen in life, right? So removing that word never and always from your vocabulary, especially when you're speaking about yourself, is going to be really important when you're working on a growth mindset. 

[00:13:47] You can see how you've had this growth mindset by just looking at your past. Look at these spectacular things that you've done and accomplished. I mentioned this a lot in my podcast because I think it is so overlooked and undervalued. We as women, you, my friend, have overcome so many things in your life.

[00:14:04] We have evolved. So I'm sure if you just like took a second right now to look back over the past 10 to 20 years, the person you were in the past is unrecognizable to you now. Okay. So you have this growth mindset, you've used it. So let's pull on that harnessed energy and use it when you're working on your next goal.

[00:14:23] So when you're in this growth mindset, you just need to be flexible. You need to be open to change and learn to pivot when things aren't working well, most importantly, take action. 

Taking Action and Staying Committed

[00:14:33] What happens so often is that when we slip, fall, fail, hit adversity, whatever the word you want to use happens, it takes us a while to get back on the horse.

[00:14:44] And so when this occurs, then we lose the momentum. Then we, then one day turns into a week, turns into a month, turns into a year. So it's so important for you to take action, which means just get back on the horse. And try again. If you don't, then you're going to worry about it. It's going to create anxiety that's going to build up in your body.

[00:15:05] If you don't let this pass through you to completion, if you don't follow it through to completion, then this is going to store in your body. And that's gonna stick into your tissues and you could potentially have aches and pains that come from it. So you want to take action so you can clear that out as much as possible so it doesn't become stagnant and stored in your body.

[00:15:27] So take action. So why is resilience such a game changer? If I haven't convinced you so far, let me just tell you the simple answer is this. Changing your habits, especially ones tied to lifestyle, like drinking alcohol, or moving our bodies, or not moving our bodies, or what we eat, or how we think requires endurance.

[00:15:49] It is not just about willpower in the moment. It's about staying committed for the long haul and resilience helps us handle the emotional rollercoaster that comes from these big life changes. It allows you to weather difficult moments without losing sight of your goals. And when you're resilient, you don't just stop at cutting back or quitting whatever vice you have.

[00:16:10] You open yourself up to all sorts of amazing things that life has to offer. When you're resilient, you start to dream bigger. You'd start to take bigger risks. You start to set new goals and push yourself in ways that you may have never thought possible. 

Conclusion: Strengthening Your Resilience

[00:16:24] So I want to leave you with some actionable steps.

[00:16:26] If you haven't written them down so far, I want you to set one small achievable goal for the week. So that's chunking down. So you can have your big broad goal, but I want you to chunk it down to a realistic goal that you can achieve this week. I want you to celebrate when you hit that goal. I want you to identify one setback you've already experienced recently and take five minutes to really reflect on that.

[00:16:51] Reflect on what you've learned about that. See how you can use that as your superpower moving forward. I want you to reach out to somebody for support. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's a friend. Maybe it's a Facebook group so you can build accountability. And at the end of each day, this is so important. Practice self compassion.

[00:17:10] Acknowledge something that you did well and feel super proud of yourself and grateful that you are choosing you again the next day. These small actions I promise you will build up and you will start building this strong foundation for resilience in your life. So before we wrap up, I just want to remind you that resilience is something you already have within you.

[00:17:31] It's not always easy to tap into, especially when life gets tough. I have been there, but every time you choose to keep going, even when you feel like giving up, you're building resilience. And the more you build it, the closer you will get to your goals. I promise. So what's one thing that you're going to do to start strengthening your resilience today?

[00:17:54] Let me know by reaching out on Think Beyond the Drink on Instagram or leaving a comment wherever you're listening to this podcast. And as always, thank you for tuning in. And if you found today's episode helpful, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review. Five star, please. And share it with somebody who you think could receive a little extra motivation for today.

[00:18:15] So until next time, keep pushing forward, onwards, and upwards.