Epi 43 - Habit #5 to Transform Your Life: The Habit of the Mind

Introduction and Series Recap
[00:00:00] If you want this secret sauce to truly transform your life the easy way, then listen to today's episode. The Habit of the Mind is where it's at, baby girl, and so listen in and let me know what you think.

[00:00:34] Welcome back to The Habit Within. I'm your host, Camille Kinzler, and today is the final episode of the five part series where I share the five habits that have completely transformed my life and made me a happier person. So you might hear some wind chimes in the back. That's because it is a windy day and a cool day in Austin, Texas, and I just love the sound of wind chimes.

[00:00:57] And also they're heavy, so I don't want to take them down. So if you hear that, just enjoy. Make that part of the ambiance. So, again, today is the last day of this five part series. And I hope that at least one of the habits that I shared with you resonated. But more than anything, if it did resonate, I hope that you took that with you and you are practicing it.

[00:01:19] You are trying it out. You are seeing if it fits you. In your life, because y'all, the tools in the tool shed are meant to be used. If you do not use them, they will sit there and they will rust. And that's not what I want for you. I want you to put what resonates with you from these podcasts into action, because that is where the transformation happens.

[00:01:41] The transformation happens within the action.

Understanding the Habit of the Mind
[00:01:44] Today we're going to dive into my favorite of all topics, and it's the habit of the mind. And once I recognized this was a real thing, even though I think I might have coined the habit of the mind, I don't know if I did, but it blew my mind and it transformed my life.

[00:01:59] These habitual thoughts that we have, these habits that our mind has created. To keep us safe and to keep us doing the same thing time and time and time again, because our minds are kind of lazy. They like to conserve glucose. They like to just do the same thing over and over and over again because it makes them feel like they're wrapped in a warm blanket sitting next to a fire.

[00:02:22] But that doesn't really help us in our transformation, right? Sitting by a cozy fire all day, day in and day out is not going to help us transform our lives. We're just going to get a little bit fluffier drinking hot chocolate and eating marshmallows. So just like we have behavioral habits, these habitual habits of action, we also have these habits of our thoughts and of our emotions.

[00:02:44] And, I don't know, it's pretty crazy to think that 95 percent or more of what we think, what we feel, and what we do is all habitual. That most of the time we're on autopilot and we don't even recognize we're thinking it, we're feeling it, or we're acting it. It's wild to me. Again, once I recognized that, it blew my freaking world.

[00:03:05] And once I recognized that the things that I thought actually became the actions that I did. That's where I was like, okay, this is reverse. We should not be focusing on changing our behavior. We need to change our thoughts that create the behavior. And so historically, when I used to think of the word habit, I only thought about actions and behaviors.

[00:03:27] And honestly, guys, it took me so long to change my podcast title from Think Beyond the Drink to Habit within because I didn't want to use the word habit in my business because I thought habits were boring When we talk about habit stacking where you layer one habit, that's an ingrained one with another habit That's isn't as established.

[00:03:48] So for instance, you're ingrained habit something that you do day in and day out is brushing your teeth You don't even have to think about it, but maybe you start taking supplements and you're not used to taking supplements So you miss your supplements And so what you would do is you would say, okay, I'm going to put my supplement bottles right next to my toothbrush.

[00:04:04] So every time I brush my teeth at night, I take my supplements in the evening right after I brush my teeth. Yes, that's very useful information and also extremely boring topic for me. But when I hit upon this gold mine of the habit of the mind, because we have to change our thoughts before we can change our behavior, it completely changed my world.

[00:04:26] And I hope it changes yours too. But I never considered that my thoughts were habits. And I don't know if you guys do, if you guys always have, and this is just new to me as of seven to eight years ago, but. When I really recognized it, I recognized that even though these automatic thoughts were small and seemingly harmless, right?

[00:04:45] But they shaped my emotions, they shaped my behavior, and they shaped the overall quality of my life. Y'all, when I'm sharing these top 5 habits that have completely transformed my life, I'm not using the word transformed flippantly. It was very intentional that I use the word transform because it truly transformed my life.

Recognizing and Shifting Thought Patterns
[00:05:05] Okay, so we're gonna dive in to what habits of the mind are, how they shape your emotions and actions, and how. Recognizing and shifting these habits can change your life like they change mine in a profound way. So what are habits of the mind, okay? Habits of the mind are repetitive, habitual thought patterns.

[00:05:22] The thoughts you think that are so often automatic. So these are mental habits, if you will. These occur automatically based on your conditioning, your experiences, upon your life, upon maybe who raised you and the thoughts that other adults or people in your life had and shared with you and then you adopted those and you've had them.

[00:05:43] They're just common everyday thoughts that have become habitual over time. And these can be self doubt, over analyzing, worrying, and many other things. And, you know, you may not even recognize these as patterns until you put some awareness to it. But it doesn't matter if you recognize them or not, babe, because they still influence your feelings and your actions in your life.

[00:06:07] These thoughts shape your emotions, and often they hold you back and keep you stuck. I know they did for me, and I'll share that with you a little bit later on in today's podcast. But what's so cool about this is that once you recognize this, they are manageable. Cool. These thoughts can be manageable with tools like mindfulness and reframing and coaching and then thus can transform your life.

[00:06:32] Now, I want to say just a little caveat that this is different than OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or some other mental health condition. OCD is more of intrusive unwanted thoughts, obsessions, and repetitive behaviors, compulsions, That people may perform to reduce distress. So we're not talking about OCD.

[00:06:53] We're not talking about these intrusive unwanted thoughts We're talking about more common everyday thoughts and behaviors that with your awareness you might notice come at certain times a day when you wake up in the morning when you go to bed in the evening or A certain person place or thing you always have this habitual thought that comes to it.

[00:07:11] You're not actually Controlling the thought that you have you're just You just have the thought just pops into your head, but whether or not you're aware of these thoughts, they are running the show, babe, and they create your feelings and your feelings, drive your actions and your, and your actions create the results you see in your life.

[00:07:28] So look around your life right now. And whatever you see on the outside is a reflection of the thoughts that you have on the inside for the most part. I'm going to also throw out a 90 percent or plus of what you see on the outside is a reflection of what you're thinking and feeling on the inside. So if you wake up and you think, I have so much to do today, then that creates a feeling of stress, which leads to being frantic.

[00:07:54] And rushed, which often leads to feeling burnt out. And this just reinforces the stress throughout the day and throughout the next day.

Personal Examples and Practical Applications
[00:08:02] So let me just share some examples of how this changed my life. So there was a huge turning point for me when I realized that I was not my thoughts. Now, for any of you who have ever been to yoga or meditated with a guide, then you've probably heard, as you're sitting there, let the thoughts just float by.

[00:08:21] As you have a thought, Be aware of it, and then just see it traveling through until it leaves, until another thought comes in, and then it leaves, and another thought will come in, and just observe the thoughts as they move in and out through your mind. Now, I've been doing yoga for over two decades, and so I've heard this, I've heard this many, many times, and I observed my thoughts.

[00:08:42] By the way, if you're having thoughts while meditating, then congratulations, you are doing it right. You'll have maybe these moments where you can have stillness within your mind and, oh, how beautiful is that? But most of the time we're just observing the thoughts as they go by and not attaching to those thoughts.

[00:09:01] But once I truly knew, so there's a difference in my mind between this word understand and knowing, a deep knowing. So I understood that I had these thoughts. And that I was the observer of my thoughts and I didn't have to attach myself to those thoughts, but I really only thought that while I was meditating.

[00:09:21] I didn't actually take that to mean when I was outside of the yoga studio or off the mat or off the cushion. That's when the practice and the work really happens when I am not my thoughts in those moments too. So, I might be confusing everyone here when I say this. So let me try to say it a different way.

[00:09:41] So I noticed the thoughts that I was having while I was on the cushion, but when I was off of the cushion and I would notice the thoughts that I was having, I attached myself to those thoughts. I was like, Oh, this is the thought that I really am having. This is who I actually am. Thus, I need to take action on the majority of the thoughts that I'm having.

[00:09:59] So for instance, if I think, Oh, I'm, I want to eat an ice cream sandwich from my freezer, then I open up my freezer, I eat the ice cream sandwich. Or when I have a grilled cheese and I make myself a grilled cheese, or I want to put on some cozy socks. I go and put on some cozy socks for the most part, right?

[00:10:15] We have a thought and we act on our thought. Now, when I really started tearing this apart, when I really started breaking this down, I recognized that I actually have some pretty weird thoughts too. And I never act on those really weird thoughts. I don't share them here in the podcast because. I don't know, if you ever see me in person, we can talk about what those are, but we have a lot of thoughts that we actually don't act on at all.

[00:10:40] So I started playing with that idea, I'm like, huh, so I do have these thoughts that I act on, I do have these thoughts that I don't act on, and then I act a lot on thoughts that I have that I don't even know that I'm having. So once I started, once I started knowing deeply that I didn't actually have to act on every thought I was having, released me.

[00:10:58] It, I felt like I was a slave to my thoughts and then now I was free to act however I wanted. It was like true free will. So let me just give you an example of like my first year without drinking. In the early days, so in the first 100 days or so, maybe even sometimes up into a year, I would have these thoughts of Ah, a drink would be perfect right now.

[00:11:19] It's a beautiful crisp spring day and everyone's drinking out on the patio at a restaurant. I want a drink too. But instead of reacting to this, I would pause and I would observe. Oh, I'm having this thought that I want a drink right now, but wait, who's even talking? Like who's even saying this? No, I'm having a great time without it.

[00:11:38] A glass of wine won't enhance this moment. So I was able to then question it and reframe these thoughts. When I did that multiple times, I was able to break that habit of my mind that tied drinking to enjoyment and relaxation. Y'all, you can use the same thing when you're thinking about food or other types of vices that you may have in your life.

[00:11:58] It offered me this opportunity to say, Oh, this is how I would usually respond on this crisp, sunny day by having a glass of rosé. I was able to recognize that like, okay, yeah, this is, this was my pattern. And hey, body and mind, thanks for sending me this reminder, but I'm all good. You know, I recognize now that this is a repetitive thought, and it's not one that I actually want to live by anymore.

[00:12:23] So, again, I just practiced changing it. I wouldn't push it away, and I wouldn't ignore it. I would acknowledge that it was there, and then I would change my thought pattern. So I would no longer associate the crisp, sunny day with patio drinking. I would associate it more with, oh, that's going to mean a day of day drinking, and then I'll be really tired and not get any of the stuff I want to get done done.

[00:12:45] Another example of the habit of the mind that I became quickly aware of when I started practicing this was this habit of self doubt. And this was so huge, guys. This is keeping me so stuck from self actualization, if you will. So for years, I had this deeply ingrained habit of thinking of all the reasons I couldn't do something, right?

[00:13:06] So I'd have this bright idea or this download or intuitive hit, whatever you want to call it. And then I'd come up with all the reasons it wouldn't work. I couldn't do it. So maybe I would say, I'm not organized, or I'm not a good enough writer, or someone else can do it better than I, or I'm not articulate, whatever it was.

[00:13:27] And these thoughts kept me stuck. And then they created this emotional response where I had mild depression and apathy. And you know what that did? It led me to want to drink more because I wasn't fulfilling my life's purpose. Of course I didn't recognize all of that at the moment, but when I was able to take a step back and review my life after I recognized that I was not the thinker of my thoughts, I didn't have to respond to my thoughts, then I realized like, Oh my goodness, because I was in an action, because I wasn't doing anything.

[00:14:03] That led to discontent, and that was because I was ignoring myself. I was ignoring the guidance that was from within. I didn't know how to trust myself anymore. Y'all, that's big. That's so big. And this is why this work can be so extremely transformative. Because once I recognized that self doubt was a habit, something that I had created from all of these stories that I had told myself from decades prior, I was able to release myself from it.

[00:14:34] Does it mean that I don't have self doubt now? No. But it means that I notice it and I can work through it. And, I recognize that if I don't work through it, then it could lead me down a dark path, and I don't want to go there anymore. So, a side note, if some, if you might have a question, well okay, so you're telling me enough to believe my thoughts.

[00:14:53] Then how do I know if one of these thoughts is this inspired idea and download or just that little annoying monologue person in the background? So here's the way that I look at this is if you have this thought or this idea that inspires you and lights you up and makes your heart sing, then that's your truth coming through.

[00:15:14] That's your soul. That's your guidance. That's your. Compass inner compass saying this is what your next step is, but if it causes you to feel yucky about yourself, then that's not it. That's not your soul coming through. Your soul coming through isn't going to say that you're a piece of trash. It's just not going to do that.

[00:15:30] So if it lights you up. Act on that idea. And here's the thing, too, is I've spoken to many women who say that they don't know what their purpose is. And y'all, I need to remind you about this, too. When I mean purpose, I don't mean a Gandhi. I don't mean a Mother Teresa. I mean, what is that one thing that can have the ripple effect?

[00:15:50] Amongst your family, amongst your community, amongst the people that you know, that's the purpose I'm talking about. Sometimes it's grander. Sometimes it's writing a book or being an international motivational speaker. Sometimes it's curing cancer, but for most of us, it's being a better person. And I've shared this before in my podcast is my purpose.

[00:16:12] I feel in life is just spreading more love. Is being more loving and when I can have that, when I can come from that place of knowing that I'm coming from a place of pure love, then it has this massive ripple effect on you, the listener, on my family, on the people within my community, on strangers, and I didn't know that I didn't know this 10 years ago.

[00:16:35] I would never have said, and even, it would probably have been too embarrassing for me to even admit that my purpose on earth was to spread love. I mean, come on, how corny is that? It's so cheesy. I, yeah, so the fact that I'm even like, able to say that. It is my truth, right? It is something that feels, it lights me up when I say it, and so I can no longer ignore it because I no longer want to be sick.

[00:16:59] I no longer want to be stuck in these habitual thought patterns that keep me down. And I hope the same for you. So anyway, like I was saying, I've spoken to many women who don't know what their purpose is, or who say they don't know what their purpose is, but when I work with them and we work through this, what comes to the surface 99.

[00:17:19] 9 percent of the time is that voice, that inner monologue. Told them that they couldn't do it for whatever reason and so what happened with that is, they started believing it. And that cloak, that self doubt, cloak, their purpose. It close to what they really wanted to do in life because they were afraid of it because they were afraid of what their thoughts were telling them about that.

[00:17:44] So. Once I started noticing in questioning the self doubt, I replaced it with more empowering beliefs like. Thanks. I can do hard things. I've done them before. I can figure it out. And all of us have. If we take a step back and we really look at the magnitude of what we've created in life, we will always find something where we had self doubt and we stepped through the door anyway.

[00:18:05] So another example of this is within my medical practice. As a physician assistant, I was in direct patient care for over a decade, and I saw this pattern come up many times within my patients. Who would desperately want to change because they would have these scary diagnosis of lung cancer, diabetes, heart disease, foot amputation, and they wanted to change, right?

[00:18:27] They wanted to change their actions. They wanted to eat better. They wanted to quit smoking, but their habitual thoughts were too powerful. Their habitual thoughts overpowered their actions and behaviors. Just take a second to think about that. When things came up like, when thoughts like, food comforts me, smoking helps me relax, I'll never lose weight anyway, I'm gonna die of something.

[00:18:56] These are words that patients say, and until they addressed those thought patterns, they Their actions would not change. And if they did stick, if they did change, it would be through willpower and struggle and not through personal freedom. And for those of you who don't know this about me, this was the catalyst for me to leave Western practice and move more into a coaching and consulting practice on holistic vitality.

[00:19:26] Because I was at the point where I, where I saw people who desperately wanted to change but couldn't, and even if they did, it wasn't sustainable. And so that got me into over a half of a decade research and of implementing what I've researched with clients and with myself. To really figure out how to make change sustainable.

[00:19:48] And this is one of the biggest secrets. It's observing and recognizing what your habitual thought patterns are and working to change those. And quite often, if it's not working with me as a coach, working with someone as a coach, because we do not see our blind spots. We do not see, we've lived in these habitual thought patterns for so long, we oftentimes don't see them.

[00:20:12] I know I've had to work. I've had many coaches. I have a coach currently. I always have a coach. They've changed my life. All right. So again, the good news is your brain is designed to form habits. It loves habits. It helps the brain conserve energy. So you just have to change it. So whatever current habit you have on repeat, change that thought pattern.

[00:20:35] And when you repeat a thought enough times, it creates a neural pathway, a shortcut your brain takes automatically, right? That's good news because you can rewire your brain. You can change your brain. You can change the way you think. You can change the habits. You can change your life through this.

Steps to Transform Your Life
[00:20:50] So here are some steps to transform your life.

[00:20:52] This is what we're calling the bliss break. So this is your homework assignment. First off, awareness is key in everything that I teach. Awareness is the key. It's the number one step. So start by noticing your habitual thoughts. Ask yourself, what do I think about when I wake up? What thoughts came up when I faced a certain challenge?

[00:21:11] And a reminder, if you guys get on my email list, I will have these Bliss Break homework assignments with embedded within the newsletter that goes out with this specific podcast. So be sure to get on my newsletter. You can do that in the show notes. But the second thing is you want to question the thought.

[00:21:29] When I have a repetitive thought arise, pause and ask yourself, is this thought serving me? And if it's not serving you, then what is a more empowering way to see it? Then the third is replace the thought with, I can't do this, to this feels really hard right now, but I know I can figure it out. These small shifts over time rewire your brain for more empowering habits of the mind.

[00:21:51] And then four, practice this daily. This is not a one time fix. Building new habits of the mind takes consistent practice. So start with one thought each day, write it down and reframe it and repeat it to yourself. Some of you even might have the question like, well, what's the difference between mindset and habits of the mind?

[00:22:12] Your mindset is the overarching perspective on life, like seeing challenges as opportunities versus obstacles. So seeing life's challenges as opportunities, meaning you're more of a growth mindset kind of person. If you see obstacles, it's more of this fixed mindset sort of person. And habits of the mind are more specific to these daily thoughts that reinforce or reinforce.

[00:22:36] Disrupt your mindset. So they're more of the micro actions of your mind. So an example of this differentiation or how they work together is a mindset is, let's say I can't achieve my goals. So when you say I can't achieve my goals, then the habit of thinking, the habit of the mind that might be supporting that is I'm not smart enough.

[00:22:57] I'm not organized. I'm not fast enough. Those thoughts actually reinforce your mindset. If I can't achieve my goals. So shifting a mindset really starts with rewiring the habits of the mind. So replacing self doubt with things like, I am capable of figuring this out. So mindset and habit of the mind do work in unison because the habit of the mind can really reinforce or shift your mindset.

[00:23:22] For me, the most powerful change wasn't about shifting my behaviors. It was about shifting my habits of the mind. And I shared with you, habit number one, two, and three were all habits of the mind that I had to either break or implement. And so breaking the habit of complaining, breaking the habit of arguing and instilling the attitude of gratitude, the habit of gratitude really helped me be able to have the mindset shift to where I was able to visualize Beginning with the end in mind, so I was able to create and foster and nurture the life that I want, and I would not have been able to do that without instilling these habits of the mind, either breaking them and making them with today's habit of the recognition at all that we have the power to change our thoughts.

[00:24:14] And the thoughts change our emotions, which change our life, was truly groundbreaking for me and I hope it is for you. So by recognizing and reframing my thought patterns, I transform how I felt and acted. And this created a massive ripple effect in all areas of my life.

Conclusion and Next Steps
[00:24:31] So I challenge you this week, identify one of those repetitive thought patterns that isn't serving you, pause, question it, and replace it with a more empowering thought pattern.

[00:24:41] And practice this daily. Notice how it shifts your emotions and actions and has a massive ripple effect on the people in your life. Remember, you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are not who you are. They're just habits patterns that can be changed. If this resonates with you, please share this with a friend or join me in my virtual workshop that I'll be having in January, go over and drop me a note and the show notes so I can learn more about you.

[00:25:09] And what we'll do in our free virtual event that will be in the new year is identifying what inner season you are in and how to fuel massive growth and transformation details are to come. And I hope you have a beautiful day.